“Game over. If that’s the case, I just have to play again!”

Well here is something different…

It has been a while since I have posted anything to either of my blogs, this random one as well as my main site aimed towards video game and anime writing. Might as well start somewhere, so, I’ll pick here!

When I last wrote on here I believe I was still in school (wow, and also, oops). I am proud to say that since then I have earned my Bachelors Degree in Journalism and Mass Communication and graduated with the highest honors! Since then, of course, it hasn’t been easy to go about getting into my desired career field but do my best to get experience and make things work.

However, I struggle with keeping up sometimes. I love to write. This is a simple fact that I enjoy and excel at most times, but sometimes a series of walls simply become harder and harder to continue to break through. Busy schedules, lack of inspiration, distractions, life and all of that chaos gets in the way and we veer off track. That, paired with my directional challenge, oftentimes gets me a little farther off track then I ever would like to admit – and here we are now!

I have attempted some freelance writing, aside from writing on my own accord to hopefully gain more knowledge and get my feet pointed in the right direction. Unfortunately, my luck has not been so great with that experience. Best of intentions, poor judgment perhaps. It was a great demotivation to get started with another site, only to have my work pushed to the side without any reason or word for a great length of time. Multiple times I contacted to inquire on the status and each time I was promised it would be handled immediately…perhaps my definition of immediately is a bit different (it really shouldn’t take MONTHS). I do believe I was patient and understanding throughout it all, but this particular wall stopped me in my tracks. My responsibility was to this site and I wanted to give my full effort for them; but when my previous work is simply promised to be published and forever stuck in limbo, I, too, became stuck in limbo. It has been frustrating to say the least.

So here I am, with new and difficultly found motivation to try and get going again. For a while I plan to write for myself at least until I get back into a more regular schedule of writing. After that period I will start looking for more freelance opportunities to hopefully gain terrific experience and get where I need to be going. I never expected it to be easy but I know that I will succeed in time.

So here’s to starting anew!

 

[Title quote from Special A]

“You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.”

I know, I know…I fell off the deep end this time.

Oh well, ce la vie. I never promised to have this everyday-post thing down in the first month. Plus it isn’t like I forgot about it, I think about it often enough – and it’s the thought that counts…kinda.

I think the biggest problem was I ran as hard as I could into a wall of demotivation. It really wasn’t my intent, honest, but somehow I’ve been having trouble picking myself back up from it.

A current class I am taking for school hasn’t exactly been encouraging either. It isn’t the grades, those are fine, but rather it’s the fact that I can never seem to get something completely right. Every time I fix something, something else is wrong. It isn’t as if I am giving up, but one can only be knocked down so many times before they don’t feel like getting back up for a bit. Why bother?

But here I am again. Writing and hoping that I can push through this. I’ve found myself reading a lot of stories other people have written lately, and I think it has helped me re-align myself at least somewhat. There are some extremely talented writers out there; in some ways I am jealous of their ability and in others I simply hope to learn from it. I suppose a little of both is good in the long run.

So, time to get back on track. Time to find some spirit and get back into writing! After all, it is hard to get better at something when you aren’t actively doing it. Admit it, I’m not wrong :)

Even though it has been far more than two days since I last wrote, two cards is all you get for now ~ (oddly enough, they are randomly in consecutive order)

The Nine of Cups is a card of daydreaming and thinking up elaborate lifestyles and accomplishments…but not physically doing anything to make them happen. It reflects happiness abounding in all areas of life. This card is often referred to as the wish card, so if there is something you have been hoping for, now is as good a time as ever! Don’t forget to keep living life to the fullest and being happy and grateful for everything that you have.

The Ten of Cups represents happiness and joy, especially in relationships and family. Everything is calm and going well, so take time to enjoy it. Nothing lasts forever so don’t take the time for granted.

[Title quote by Ray Bradbury]

“Hide your face so the world will never find you”

Masquerade.

What would a world be like where everyone walked around in full costume or donned with masks? After a while, would the costume become an intricate part of the person or would the person underneath it all remain unchanged?

Costumes give people a chance to be anything and look anyway they want…even if only for a short time.

And know what, they also can make people smile. Tell me, if you randomly saw someone on the street in costume acting in character that you wouldn’t be amused and even awed by it =)

The Tower – a time of great turmoil and destruction, certainly a more unsettling card. It represents an experience that is shocking enough to alter your entire world whether it is a death of a loved one, failure, health problems, job loss or any other unfortunate turn of events. It is immediacy of change, but with destruction comes creation and once something has been destroyed you can work to recover and move on.

[Title quote: Masquerade ~ Phantom of the Opera]

“Oh my ears and whiskers, how late it’s getting!”

Sometimes I wish there was a cheat code to make time speed up or slow it down. That would be so nice, wouldn’t it?

Of course, then there would be the complications of does it speed up/slow down for everybody, or just you? Or maybe time itself really doesn’t change but rather it just feels faster/slower to you? That would probably work smoother I would think, somewhat like when you are sleeping. Time doesn’t necessarily go by faster, but every so often when your alarm goes off and it feels like you just went to sleep, it feels as though time passed without any effort at all.

Naturally, if I had my way all work time would fly by and all free time would slow down.

Oh well, one can dream.

I think, for a change, I will keep this post short. Actually, for the next couple of days they will be as such simply due to the fact that I will be out of town and going non-stop. Woot!

The card for today is The Magician which signifies the want, ability and power to make things happen. The card is a good omen no matter what your desires or projects are. If you can focus on a single goal, you will have the energy and means to accomplish it with ease.

[Title quote: White Rabbit ~ Alice in Wonderland]

“Now I understand the relieved, I feel very situation…”

Ah, I did it again! *facepalm*

I am beginning to wonder if I should keep counting how many days I miss or not. I mean, I certainly do not aim to miss them, but sometimes there just is not the means to write anything on here unless I simply want to post a sentence…and I’m not quite feeling that one.

This time my excuse does not involve something adorably small and furry, but rather a largely stressful ball of work and school ready for immediate implosion. Needless to say, yesterday was a long and painful day. Luckily, everything did work out alright (although, not according to plan) but in some cases you just have to be thankful for the results and never mind how you ended up there.

What truly is frustrating is when something you have to do relies solely on other people. A few times now over the past months I have had an assignment for class in which interviewing a specific type of person is involved. I am zero for I’ve lost count on how many people I have left e-mails or messages for and either not heard back from them at all, or they get back to me weeks later (far too late to be any help to me, mind you). I understand that everyone is busy and has their own lives and work, but even a simple “I received your message let me get back to you <insert day or time>” would at least be something. I also understand that I am asking people to take time out to answer questions or whatever else it is I need to do, and that probably isn’t at the top of their list either – but at least tell me no¬† *tell me anything* because anything is better than nothing at all.

Lucky for me though, I am crafty when it comes to accomplishing things even despite dis-favorable odds. Basic profile memo was completed, additional assignment done, and decent work/prep for this weekend was successful!

Speaking of this weekend, it is going to be awesome!!!

And without further ado, here are the cards for yesterday and today:

The Ace of Swords stands for great power that is being used towards whatever goal you may have in mind. It also signifies a strong heart, mind and will. Representing a break through idea or concept, mental clarity, or new understanding and ignites a passion to seek out truth and justice, perhaps for a particular organization or equal rights cause.

The Page of Wands is a free spirit representing change and a new beginning. A creative restlessness within just dying to emerge. Its appearance may also be a messenger for new, exciting or unexpected news.

[Title quote: Sosuke ~ Full Metal Panic: Fumoffu]

“Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”

Page of Swords – Follow your passions and find where your true energy lies. Put things into motion no matter what challenges and setbacks may possibly stand in your way. Also has roots in communication, whether it be writing or speaking, and is a passion that should be pursued.

Speaking of cards showing up at just the right time…this is exactly along the lines of thought going through my head last night.

There are plenty of things in life I am sure people would change around if it were possible, and I am very good at giving friendly advice to people who seem dissatisfied with their lives. This advice is usually something along the lines of: If you don’t like something, then do something to change it.

…and it was then, last night, that I realized something I highly dislike is taking up an extreme amount of my time, yet I am doing nothing about it. Apparently, I should really learn to take my own advice.

What I am doing is stable, safe, constant…miserable. It is not what I want to do and in fact, is actually keeping me from progressing with what I actually want to do. It is not that it will have a hugely negative impact on our lives, but walking away voluntarily is a bit worrisome. However, if I don’t do it now it will only be delaying the inevitable – and what’s the point of that?

Like anything, there are good points and bad, and I am sure there are people who will ultimately try to convince me to stay; but I know that this is not where I want to get trapped the rest of my life. Whether it means cutting back in other areas or making some other adjustment, I think it is definitely worth it!

After all, the people who matter will be there for me no matter what my decision.

[Title quote: Dr. Seuss]

“I believe everyone has at least one skill that they excel in over all others. It’s something that defines who they are”

Sometimes it seems like no matter how good you are at something, there are always others who stand to do even better with half as much effort.

Needless to say, this can be a bit discouraging.

However, don’t think of it as a failure but rather as a challenge to make it your own.

Someone else might be terrific at something in one respect, but you may be able to bring an entirely new perspective or addition to it that is unique to how you do things.

So, don’t be discouraged and strive to individualize everything that you do. After all, no one likes to see other people mindlessly follow the crowd.

The Two of Swords represents a difficult decision but can also stand for a lack of necessary information to make a proper decision at the time. Additionally, it can also signify an argument that has come to a stalemate or truce.

[Title quote: Chaos ~ Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zur Macht]